Friday, February 3, 2012

Well this is my second day of being a non smoker, I failed yesterday at around 4 o'clock and lit up. I thought I would enjoy that smoke because I wanted it so bad, fortunately I didn't for one I live in the craziest weather place on the face of the earth so the wind and rain ruined my relaxing smoke LOL, but most of all the let down I felt was the worst of it!! I let myself down, I was so upset that I have allowed such a disgusting habit take over me. I am better then that, I am stronger then it. Well I should be at least...I had a funny thought this morning while I was talking myself out of my favorite smoke of the day. I watch that show intervention and think GOD how can ppl throw there life away to drugs, lose their children, family, houses and jobs all for that drug?? how disgusting. Well I am not much better, how can I throw my daughters collage fund away to giving myself cancer or something from my addiction, all for my drug, HOW DISGUSTING!!! I haven't lit up since yesterday at 4 o'clock and I don't plan on it. let's hope today is a good smoke free day!!

Last night I was playing virtual bingo and mentioned I had quit smoking - a group of women jumped on the bandwagon with all sorts of tales.  This one woman named Cheryl said she will never quit, but was suffering with lung disease and was only given 23 months to live. That was 5 months ago. She begged me to never light up again.  She is only 46 years old and will be leaving her 3 adult children, 4 grand kids and a loving husband behind.  She made us cry when she described her husband's break down as the doctor gave his prognosis - yet she still smokes even though she is on oxygen all day long.  Quitting will not prolong her life she says, so I probably would keep smoking if that were my fate as well. I told her at least her story will inspire me not to light up ever again! I was amazed at the average age for these woman who began smoking at around 12 years old. For me it was 13 years old.  Both my parents smoked, I don't blame them for my being a smoker, but another woman last night did blame her mother. She said her mom would tell her to light up a cigarette and bring it to her, this began at the age of 8 years old. I was dumb founded, she is only 23 years old now, so her mother was aware of the dangers of smoking and yet let her 8 year old light up - I think that is abuse!!  A lot of the women said they envied me for being able to stop in the manner I did - "out of nowhere" as my daughter put it.  I think because it wasn't planned it just might stick this time!!

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