2 months!!!!

Closing in on 7 weeks - I am so proud of myself - there have been a number of times I could have used a cig, but made it through without!! :))

It is 5 weeks of being smoke free - I can hardly believe it!! I am not worried about Koral coming home (she smokes) because I have such a drive in me to never smoke again - although there are days when I really would just love ONE puff - but then all my hard work is for nothing and I'm not willing to screw myself over - I have tons of other people do that for me!!
Well Koral was here and gone - I didn't cheat at all - well if breathing in the smoke she smoked in the car counts as cheating - then I did.  Other than that - still smoke free - very proud and coming onto 6 weeks!!!

Kristin.

20 day’s since I stopped smoking, though I don’t share the same enthusiasm as my mom I am still pleased that I am no longer smoking and proud of the both of us. I have definitely had some trying moments the last three days, my daughter fell ill with bad cold and ear infection so with the lack of sleep and a very unhappy baby all I wanted to do is go have a smoke and Coffee more out of comfort then anything. I have been champix free for almost a week now, the cravings are weak mostly because I am stronger than them, but the thought crosses my mind at least 3-4 times a day to have a smoke. I have noticed that the thought is decreasing from the first day when all I could think about was a smoke. LOL

Freaking out - it's been one month 2 days now - I am so happy that I really think I have this thing beat!! I am kinda pissed off at myself though -  I think of all then money I wasted - people say well at least you can save that money now - ACK - now is great, but still all that wasted money!!! You know what else - it wasn't even that hard to quit - it was so much in my head this addiction. I should have done it years ago!!

Karen

I had my first dream of smoking - I wasn't the one smoking, but in my dream I wanted to be. I was laying on my couch and my sister was sitting at my dinning room table smoking - that's all I remember.  I can hardly believe it's been 22 days - holy crap!! I feel pretty good - I think I am eating much more though - like cookies and popcorn - trying to stick to ice - but it's kind of hard not to snack a lot - I'm gonna have to work on that too!! One thing at a time and smoking is a really big deal for me - so I'm just gonna keep doing what I'm doing for now.

Kristin

12 Day's....to a smoker that is one hell of an accomplishment. I have moment's well more then moments, hours that I can't get the wanting of having a smoke out of my head. It's all that I think of, I want it so bad. I even consider doing it, but thankfully I dont have any smokes in the house, and I don't want to let myself down. I've come to far now to risk having a smoke. I am not using champix anymore, I thought I would try to go with out using them the only difference I notice is that when I wanted a smoke before it would pass easier then now with out the champix, so I am working a little harder to not to get smokes and light up! people have told me that when you quit smoking food taste better, well not so much for me, I am finding that things I like I dont like so much anymore. But nothing has tasted better. I do find that I am wanting to replace the smoke for candy or chocolate, god damn it of course it had to be something like that, why couldnt it be lettuce and water LOL! Anyway, MOM keep up the good work, as I will too. Proud of us non-smokers!! :)

Karen

I am in complete agreement that food doesn't taste better at all and in fact I don't like that taste of some stuff I always ate - so strange.  I am proud of us too!!!

Karen

I have such love and compassion for my daughter Kristin - yesterday was a tough day for her, when a person is quitting a habit like smoking it makes you a bit out of sorts at times. That's how it was for her yesterday, but she didn't light up and knowing how she is feeling - I am so proud she didn't give in at one of her weakest moments. They say it gets easier and I am sure it does, but at 20 days in I imagined yesterday what it would feel like to take a nice long drag from a cigarette - man I wish I could say the thought turned me off or made me sick - it didn't, but I didn't smoke.....I figure each day that goes by the less I will think of smoking. I sure hope so!
Wow Kristin - we are non-smokers - for real!!! :)

Kristin

Today is my 6th day of not smoking. I feel pretty proud of myself, although I can't seem to kick the feeling of how nice it would be to go sit on my steps enjoy my coffee with a smoke. I probably shouldn't drink coffee but then I get a headache, and I am already dieting and quitting smoking take the coffee away and I just might be the most unbearable person on the planet to be around. Last night was bad, I text my mom and asked her permission to smoke, the reasons that I wanted one were fair but she said no! hahaha I have to learn to deal with stress without having a frickin smoke! I know this, it's just a tough battle. I had so much rage I was about to drive almost 2hrs to the next city to punch the retard that I was mad at square in the face! Instead I bathed my lil one and then took our dog out, I told John and I swore I was going to have a smoke last night! I told him after we pick up a coffee that's it I am having a smoke, he didn't seem to want to stop me, I must have been a raving lunatic..I didn't light up! I just chewed him out for no good reason! hahahaha Poor John. I don't feel angry or grumpy today, just almost sad, its like part of me has died!! I WANT A SMOKE!!!

Karen

You are mourning your habit Kristin - something we have to do - especially you and I - cause we LOVE our smokes.  You're allowed to miss it - just "know" you cannot light up or all your work is for nothing.  What you are doing is much bigger than anger at someone - cause they  couldn't give two fucks if you smoke or not. In fact they probably would love to see you fail - so DON'T!  I know deep in my heart you are the strongest type of female and will succeed!! Hang in there sweetheart!! Almost 19 days for Mommy - OMG - YIPPIE!!!!

Kristin

So tonight at around 10:30 -11  it will be 4 days, 4 roller coaster days. I have been an emotional wreck, from perfectly happy to angry and sad!! OMG I want this part of it all to be over and I want to just forget that I was a smoker. I picked up my second pack of champix, and have another 14 days of it, I m hoping that I won't feel the need to use it further then that. Whatever works right?? I feel proud, and I feel proud of my mom so to light up now I will feel like such a failure and disappointment all this work to allow a stupid stinky habit to take over. I just needed to come on here and remind myself why I don't need to light up, as this is my morning smoke time and find it a struggle sometimes!!

Karen

I think our emotions are going to run the gamete for some time to come dear daughter.  I am on day 16 and smoking is still in the forefront of my mind.  When I told Gordy I really wanted a smoke he said "you should be over that by now." I don't think so - not for a smoker who actually LOVES smoking......  I cannot wait for that to pass - if it ever does.  I do have struggle within a few times a day - I seriously believe if I had cigarettes in the house I would have lit up.  Refuse to buy them so that should carry me though the dark times. :)

Karen
Day 15 for me - I think the struggle is at rest at the moment - but will rear it's ugly head from time to time I am sure.  I feel much better - smell better - but eat better too!!  I gotta work on that too - but very proud of both Kristin and myself!! 
Well it reared it's ugly head alright - I was so bitchy at my husband tonight that I had to apologize to him.....the anger/rage/stage lasted about 30 minutes - I really wanted a cigarette so bad. He keeps saying stuff like there is going to be a huge war between Israel and Iran so we might as well smoke and enjoy our time on the planet because it won't be a long time. AHHHHH!!!!!
I still didn't smoke - good thing we have NONE in the house - instead I chewed Twizzlers.

Kristin

Ok so I have made it 36 hrs....and I am seriously craving, I have been chewing on ice chips and werthers candy's, I have gaind 5 pounds this week by eating to contain myself from lighting up I nearly cried and lit a smoke last night after stepping on the scale. But then I thought gaining a little weight ti be smoke free, so worth it! I'll have better lungs and more energy later to beat the weith off with!! So its all been pretty good, except for this morning I got a little cranky I bit poor John's head off over the sink plug that I couldn't find and it was his fault for not helping me look for it! It was in the garbage where I put it last night...YES I AM LOSING MY MIND!!! oh well hour by hour, day by day I am going to beat the shit out of the cigarette!!

Karen
Tonight has been a tough night - I am sitting in a total funk.  My husband is annoying the crap out of me and so is the dog - she drinks her water too loud and he's just a prick!  It was pay day today and like with a lot of people these days, it just doesn't go far!  We paid all our bills - bought grub and because I wanted to send in for my passport this pay day, my husband says we just don't have enough money left! I'm like fuck that shit I quit smoking to save money to go see my beautiful grandchildren in Canada!!! Now I can send the paperwork in and pay the fee - but this will leave us pretty close to broke for the month. We have a full tank of gas, groceries, bills paid so I am telling myself we don't need much money for the rest of the month - but I hear his grumbling ass and the big sighs as he looks over the account.  I thought screw it, I'm gonna go get some smokes and fuck the trips - instead I ate spring rolls!!! FML!!!! 



Kristin
OK so I made it through to the 24 hrs, I did so awesome I was so proud of myself. I wasn't bitchy or anything the pills must be helping me a lot more then I thought. We went out last night with some friends had appy's and drinks, all the people we were with are non smokers which made my want to have a smoke a lot easier, but for some odd reason we were sitting right beside the doors that take you to the smoking balcony outside, so every time some one would go in and out I would smell the cigarette smoke. Still resisted my temptation to lite up, when we got home and the baby-sitter left i got my daughter to sleep it was like a natural thing to grab a smoke and go outside. So I did, I lit that stupid smoke up and nearly puked! LOL someone told me that would happen on these pills out of nowhere a cigarette would taste gross to the point of making you want to vomit! THANK GOD!! because this morning was the first time I haven't wanted to light up, my most hardest time to resist. I feel like I won. That may seem strange as I cheated and I should be kicking my ass for smoking last night LOL but I feel more relief that I beat my worst craving, the one that I have the hardest time getting past!! Then I got on here and read my mothers blog about the lady that has lung disease and is still smoking, I get it too; I would probably not give a crap either if there was no fighting chance out of it, but it sure made me think that I don't ever want to be in that position. I watched my grandmother fight on her death bed for air from all the years of smoking and the crap that came out of her lungs that should have been enough for me to quit right then and there. Or when my best friend lost her dad to lung cancer, I knew this man, I knew him well, and to know that being diagnosed with three months to live, coughing blood while still puffing away all due from these stupid expensive death sticks. Enough is enough... Charlie was only 43 when he died, leaving 4 beautiful daughters behind a wife of 20 years and 5 grandchildren. I have to keep these people in mind when I want to have a smoke, I have to imagine myself being the one dying, and my daughter being left behind maybe that will help me. I sure hope so because I don't want to be the one sick later knowing it was preventable. Lets hope my struggle is finally over!! 

Karen
I have never been happier to hear you got sick Kristin.  I woke this morning (it'll be 2 weeks for me at 2 AM) and I was still annoyed - really want to smoke as I am depressed now - depressed and bitchy - watch out Gordy and Coco!!  I think I will clean out the fridge and crochet to keep myself busy - I have to make a quick trip to Safeway too - just wish I could shake this feeling.  Maybe driving isn't the best idea just yet - probably run someone over. Kristin you mentioned you were in the line of smoke last night - that is something I have not been tested with yet.  I have not been around anyone who smokes, haven't had to smell it or test myself in that way. Good for you to resist!! I'm proud of you!!

The smell yesterday as I past people out for my walk actually disgusted me, I didn't like it at all, I have had two run in's with people one which is a smoker, and the other who was just around smokers and they smelled like stale smoke, I have never liked that smell as a smoker so its even worse now. That help in a odd way, especially John being a non smoker all I can think is God poor guy having to kiss my gross dirty mouth and smell it on my clothes. Mom you can do it too, you can beat it. I'm going through the craving again, unfortunatley but here I am reading and writing reminding myself why I am doing this!! It's helping.

Kristin:
Well this is my second day of being a non smoker, I failed yesterday at around 4 o'clock and lit up. I thought I would enjoy that smoke because I wanted it so bad, fortunately I didn't for one I live in the craziest weather place on the face of the earth so the wind and rain ruined my relaxing smoke LOL, but most of all the let down I felt was the worst of it!! I let myself down, I was so upset that I have allowed such a disgusting habit take over me. I am better then that, I am stronger then it. Well I should be at least...I had a funny thought this morning while I was talking myself out of my favorite smoke of the day. I watch that show intervention and think GOD how can ppl throw there life away to drugs, lose their children, family, houses and jobs all for that drug?? how disgusting. Well I am not much better, how can I throw my daughters collage fund away to giving myself cancer or something from my addiction, all for my drug, HOW DISGUSTING!!! I haven't lit up since yesterday at 4 o'clock and I don't plan on it. let's hope today is a good smoke free day!!

Karen
Last night I was playing virtual bingo and mentioned I had quit smoking - a group of women jumped on the bandwagon with all sorts of tales.  This one woman named Cheryl said she will never quit, but was suffering with lung disease and was only given 23 months to live. That was 5 months ago. She begged me to never light up again.  She is only 46 years old and will be leaving her 3 adult children, 4 grand kids and a loving husband behind.  She made us cry when she described her husband's break down as the doctor gave his prognosis - yet she still smokes even though she is on oxygen all day long.  Quitting will not prolong her life she says, so I probably would keep smoking if that were my fate as well. I told her at least her story will inspire me not to light up ever again! I was amazed at the average age for these woman who began smoking at around 12 years old. For me it was 13 years old.  Both my parents smoked, I don't blame them for my being a smoker, but another woman last night did blame her mother. She said her mom would tell her to light up a cigarette and bring it to her, this began at the age of 8 years old. I was dumb founded, she is only 23 years old now, so her mother was aware of the dangers of smoking and yet let her 8 year old light up - I think that is abuse!!  A lot of the women said they envied me for being able to stop in the manner I did - "out of nowhere" as my daughter put it.  I think because it wasn't planned it just might stick this time!!

My first day of being a non smoker

Kristin (Daughter)
I have been a smoker since I was 14 years old, now at 28 with a beautiful baby girl I have made the decision to put the cigarettes down. NOT so easy, unlike my mom who just quit out of nowhere, I have been building up to the occasion. I have been taking champix for 10 days now gradually cutting back and trying to break the habit smoking, you know that morning smoke, the after you eat smoke and the just before bed smoke. That's been the easy part with the exception of the morning smoke, that seems to be the hardest one for me, it goes perfectly with my coffee. I think I may have to ditch that coffee as well. Today is the first day that I haven't had one smoke, my last smoke was 14hrs ago I know that doesn't seem that long ago, but trust me when you are at home with a teething 7 month old its FOREVER!!!! I have wanted to break down and light up since I woke up, I just keep baring in mind that the first 24hrs are the toughest, I tell myself at every half hour point  "just wait, you can reward yourself with a smoke in half hour" and I ll tell ya that half hour takes forever to come but then when it does I tell myself the same thing again "just wait you can have one in half hour" I will continue to do this in hopes to keep me from lighting up that smoke. My mom has been my biggest inspiration to wanting to do this, if she after 40 years of smoking can do this cold turkey then I know I can do this, and I have the help of Champix. I had a thought today, I have been with the man I am with for three years, and we have accomplished a lot in these three years, fully renovating our house in side and out. We had our daughter, spent so much money on making our home beautiful and giving our daughter the things she should have, even buying a brand new vehicle, I complain constantly about how much things cost, well on average I have blown just in the time that me and my man have been together approx 12 thousand dollars. unreal, that could have paid for so much, and here I am blowing it up in smoke!! STUPID

Karen (Mother)
I have been smoke free for 12 days 12 hours!!! I quit cold turkey too, after 40 years of smoking!  I was rarely seen without a cigarette in my hand, so some people find it hard to believe!  No one is more surprised than I - trust me!! I love smoking, I miss smoking, but I QUIT smoking! I should be mourning my nicotine addiction I suppose, but instead I am just plain pissed at my addiction.  To think of  all the burn holes in clothes, furniture, cars, carpet etc., over the years, is just the icing on the real expense!!! My daughter who is dealing with her addiction to nicotine now as well, asked me if I knew the night before I quit that that would be my last cigarette and I would be quitting in the morning?  My answer was no, crazy stuff - I just woke up with sore lungs and thought what the hell was I doing? "ENOUGH"! That was it, I said to my husband, "I quit smoking right now - I am done"! He didn't really believe me I know, because he kept smoking that day, not much, but still lit up - he quit the following day. I can remember times I would lite up that "AH, can't wait" cigarette and being turned off kinda, would smoke it and half way done put it out - it'll taste better later, I'd tell myself and never really thinking it about it, light up and go on as business usual! What the hell??
The first day was the hardest, I literately went 5 minutes at a time for the first little while - the next day it was an hour at a time and today it's more "one day at a time"! I do feel much better, but can still feel it in my lungs - I cannot wait for that feeling to be gone! At least I can now take a deep breath!